Vacations are meant to restore, rejuvenate,
and reinvigorate. And perhaps I’ve never needed a vacation more than I did this
one. A few weeks ago, I ventured forth to the north shore of Oahu to attend a
yoga retreat hosted by my yoga studio in San Diego, Mosaic, which I have
mentioned on countless occasions in these writings.
I needed this vacation more than ever because
2014 has so far been one hell of a year for me. A marriage ending after one
year or perhaps ten years of turmoil, a relocating of home, a season of
studying for major exams, a goodbye to one of my pups, another relocating of
home, and a new job. Through these obstacles, I’ve really tried to stay
centered, to stay focused on the processing of it all. I’ve tried to face it
honestly, bravely, and many times I’ve failed. But now that all the chaos seems
to be settled down, that most of the trials are behind me, I sense a new
beginning after all the hard work and stress and even pain of it all. I
remember in April packing up the boxes for the first move and imagining what it
would be like the day I unpacked them again. In my mind, I marked that day as
the goal—that if I could just get to that point, most of the struggle would be
over. And though that day came sooner than I expected (a month and a half ago),
I felt ready for it.
Though the ending of a marriage is never
easy, I realize it could have been much harder, much more complicated. I am
grateful that it wasn't. Though moving is physically and emotionally challenging, I
am grateful to finally be settled in my new home, with my sister, near my
school, near a city I love. And though I miss Delilah very much, I take comfort
knowing that she is happy in her home, and I am thankful that I have Samson and
can now devote my love and attention solely to him. Though my major exams
nearly broke me, I passed my German exam, I passed my written literature exams
(after writing for ten hours), and I passed my oral literature examination with
my professors. And it feels great to come out the other side of something that
required so much of me… such a portion of me that I sincerely doubted whether I
could do it.
In the midst of feeling depleted, exhausted,
and empty from months of being shut away with my books, a turn of fate
happened, and I say fate because I couldn’t have planned something so perfect
as this. Months and months ago, I signed up to attend a yoga retreat for a
week. The timing of it all happened serendipitously, as I left for Oahu five
days after my last exam. Everything seemed to be falling into place. I would be
able to go to Hawaii and actually turn it all off for seven days.
Our retreat was at the Ke Iki Beach
Bungalows, which are situated right on the water.
Every morning, our little group met at 7:30
for a yoga workshop, where I was able to learn more about the philosophy behind the asana practice and some of the other components (or limbs) of yoga. For example, we had a workshop dedicated to pranayama (breathing) and another on how to hold the asanas (poses) with integrity while making them more or less challenging. In other words, the workshops gave me a chance to understand more fully the things I had known on a more surface level about yoga. In the afternoons, we met again for a vinyasa flow, which was like doing a naturally hot yoga because of the lingering heat from the day.
Another aspect of the retreat focused on the
spiritual component of yoga, which included meditation, Yin yoga, and receiving
attunement for Reiki level one (which was the most inspiring of my experiences
in Oahu). For example, one of the first evenings, we did a meditation at sunset
that focused on the metaphor of the sun and earth coming together. Our leader
explained the symbolism behind it all, which I’ll do my best to summarize below:
So the system of the seven chakras begins
with the root chakra of Shakti, the god of feminine energy, and ends at the top
with the crown chakra, represented by Shiva, the god of masculine energy. The
goal of breathing in meditation is to bring breath in and down toward the root
chakra and then to breathe breath out and up toward the crown chakra, thus
symbolizing a merging of the two energies. The sunset also symbolizes a merging
of the two energies, since ancient Polynesians saw the sun and the ocean as two
powerful forces that affected the islands in every way. The ocean is often
feminized, as in the French la mer,
or the mother, and given its place on earth, represents the root chakra. Contrarily,
the sun is often masculinized and thus represents the crown chakra of light and
elevation. So at sunset, these two energies come back together.
During the meditation, our leader had us
envision our breath as a liquid or fluid, which helped me to visualize the
movement to/from the chakras. What came to me as I focused intently on the
metaphors of the breath and the sunset was an understanding of the power that
comes when masculine and feminine energies come together—life.
While I was in Oahu, I formed the habit of
waking early (sunrise) to sit down by the waves to practice what I had learned,
to center myself for the day, to take in everything around me. It was easy to feel
inspired and make time for this morning ritual while on vacation, especially
since the rooster’s crow was standing in as an alarm clock of sorts. Since I am
not typically an early morning riser, waking at this hour allowed me to see
things from a new perspective. It was quiet, still, dawning. And being part of
earth’s morning ritual made me understand how valuable following her lead every
morning could be, if I would only make the time.
I vowed to stay focused upon returning home,
and though I haven’t been as disciplined as I would have liked, I am continuing to make the effort, knowing it will take time, and I am
granting myself the grace I need to keep working at it. I also joined a yoga
studio near my new place called Claremont Yoga in the village. There are no
mirrors (one of my criteria for selecting a yoga home), and I feel in my heart
that I found the right place in this new city.
Reflecting back to the beginning of my year,
I see that I was afraid of what I saw coming. I see that I had to muster up the
courage to do what I knew was right. During that time of simultaneous fear and
courage, I trusted that at some point I would make my way out of the tunnel
that was ahead of me. I saw the light shining at a distance. And though I was
absolutely entrenched in darkness for what felt like an eternity, I feel myself
standing now in the light, on that other side. And I don’t think it is at all
coincidence that a week away in Oahu, guided by the leaders at Mosaic (a place
that has often felt like a lifeline), gently brought me back to a place of
peace, where I feel the power of love all around me, and where I can trust in
the future that awaits me.
Vacations are meant to restore, rejuvenate,
and reinvigorate. And perhaps I’ve never needed a vacation more than I did this
one. A few weeks ago, I ventured forth to the north shore of Oahu to attend a
yoga retreat hosted by my yoga studio in San Diego, Mosaic, which I have
mentioned on countless occasions in these writings.
I needed this vacation more than ever because
2014 has so far been one hell of a year for me. A marriage ending after one
year or perhaps ten years of turmoil, a relocating of home, a season of
studying for major exams, a goodbye to one of my pups, another relocating of
home, and a new job. Through these obstacles, I’ve really tried to stay
centered, to stay focused on the processing of it all. I’ve tried to face it
honestly, bravely, and many times I’ve failed. But now that all the chaos seems
to be settled down, that most of the trials are behind me, I sense a new
beginning after all the hard work and stress and even pain of it all. I
remember in April packing up the boxes for the first move and imagining what it
would be like the day I unpacked them again. In my mind, I marked that day as
the goal—that if I could just get to that point, most of the struggle would be
over. And though that day came sooner than I expected (a month and a half ago),
I felt ready for it.
Though the ending of a marriage is never
easy, I realize it could have been much harder, much more complicated. I am
grateful that it wasn't. Though moving is physically and emotionally challenging, I
am grateful to finally be settled in my new home, with my sister, near my
school, near a city I love. And though I miss Delilah very much, I take comfort
knowing that she is happy in her home, and I am thankful that I have Samson and
can now devote my love and attention solely to him. Though my major exams
nearly broke me, I passed my German exam, I passed my written literature exams
(after writing for ten hours), and I passed my oral literature examination with
my professors. And it feels great to come out the other side of something that
required so much of me… such a portion of me that I sincerely doubted whether I
could do it.
In the midst of feeling depleted, exhausted,
and empty from months of being shut away with my books, a turn of fate
happened, and I say fate because I couldn’t have planned something so perfect
as this. Months and months ago, I signed up to attend a yoga retreat for a
week. The timing of it all happened serendipitously, as I left for Oahu five
days after my last exam. Everything seemed to be falling into place. I would be
able to go to Hawaii and actually turn it all off for seven days.
Our retreat was at the Ke Iki Beach
Bungalows, which are situated right on the water.
Every morning, our little group met at 7:30
for a yoga workshop, where I was able to learn more about the philosophy behind the asana practice and some of the other components (or limbs) of yoga. For example, we had a workshop dedicated to pranayama (breathing) and another on how to hold the asanas (poses) with integrity while making them more or less challenging. In other words, the workshops gave me a chance to understand more fully the things I had known on a more surface level about yoga. In the afternoons, we met again for a vinyasa flow, which was like doing a naturally hot yoga because of the lingering heat from the day.
Another aspect of the retreat focused on the
spiritual component of yoga, which included meditation, Yin yoga, and receiving
attunement for Reiki level one (which was the most inspiring of my experiences
in Oahu). For example, one of the first evenings, we did a meditation at sunset
that focused on the metaphor of the sun and earth coming together. Our leader
explained the symbolism behind it all, which I’ll do my best to summarize below:
So the system of the seven chakras begins
with the root chakra of Shakti, the god of feminine energy, and ends at the top
with the crown chakra, represented by Shiva, the god of masculine energy. The
goal of breathing in meditation is to bring breath in and down toward the root
chakra and then to breathe breath out and up toward the crown chakra, thus
symbolizing a merging of the two energies. The sunset also symbolizes a merging
of the two energies, since ancient Polynesians saw the sun and the ocean as two
powerful forces that affected the islands in every way. The ocean is often
feminized, as in the French la mer,
or the mother, and given its place on earth, represents the root chakra. Contrarily,
the sun is often masculinized and thus represents the crown chakra of light and
elevation. So at sunset, these two energies come back together.
During the meditation, our leader had us
envision our breath as a liquid or fluid, which helped me to visualize the
movement to/from the chakras. What came to me as I focused intently on the
metaphors of the breath and the sunset was an understanding of the power that
comes when masculine and feminine energies come together—life.
While I was in Oahu, I formed the habit of
waking early (sunrise) to sit down by the waves to practice what I had learned,
to center myself for the day, to take in everything around me. It was easy to feel
inspired and make time for this morning ritual while on vacation, especially
since the rooster’s crow was standing in as an alarm clock of sorts. Since I am
not typically an early morning riser, waking at this hour allowed me to see
things from a new perspective. It was quiet, still, dawning. And being part of
earth’s morning ritual made me understand how valuable following her lead every
morning could be, if I would only make the time.
I vowed to stay focused upon returning home,
and though I haven’t been as disciplined as I would have liked, I am continuing to make the effort, knowing it will take time, and I am
granting myself the grace I need to keep working at it. I also joined a yoga
studio near my new place called Claremont Yoga in the village. There are no
mirrors (one of my criteria for selecting a yoga home), and I feel in my heart
that I found the right place in this new city.
Reflecting back to the beginning of my year,
I see that I was afraid of what I saw coming. I see that I had to muster up the
courage to do what I knew was right. During that time of simultaneous fear and
courage, I trusted that at some point I would make my way out of the tunnel
that was ahead of me. I saw the light shining at a distance. And though I was
absolutely entrenched in darkness for what felt like an eternity, I feel myself
standing now in the light, on that other side. And I don’t think it is at all
coincidence that a week away in Oahu, guided by the leaders at Mosaic (a place
that has often felt like a lifeline), gently brought me back to a place of
peace, where I feel the power of love all around me, and where I can trust in
the future that awaits me.
Ah, how exciting! It sounds like you had a great vacation! I can't wait to hear all about it and to see your beautiful face soon!
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