Thursday, October 2, 2014

Hawaii, Yoga, and The Other Side

Vacations are meant to restore, rejuvenate, and reinvigorate. And perhaps I’ve never needed a vacation more than I did this one. A few weeks ago, I ventured forth to the north shore of Oahu to attend a yoga retreat hosted by my yoga studio in San Diego, Mosaic, which I have mentioned on countless occasions in these writings.

I needed this vacation more than ever because 2014 has so far been one hell of a year for me. A marriage ending after one year or perhaps ten years of turmoil, a relocating of home, a season of studying for major exams, a goodbye to one of my pups, another relocating of home, and a new job. Through these obstacles, I’ve really tried to stay centered, to stay focused on the processing of it all. I’ve tried to face it honestly, bravely, and many times I’ve failed. But now that all the chaos seems to be settled down, that most of the trials are behind me, I sense a new beginning after all the hard work and stress and even pain of it all. I remember in April packing up the boxes for the first move and imagining what it would be like the day I unpacked them again. In my mind, I marked that day as the goal—that if I could just get to that point, most of the struggle would be over. And though that day came sooner than I expected (a month and a half ago), I felt ready for it.

Though the ending of a marriage is never easy, I realize it could have been much harder, much more complicated. I am grateful that it wasn't. Though moving is physically and emotionally challenging, I am grateful to finally be settled in my new home, with my sister, near my school, near a city I love. And though I miss Delilah very much, I take comfort knowing that she is happy in her home, and I am thankful that I have Samson and can now devote my love and attention solely to him. Though my major exams nearly broke me, I passed my German exam, I passed my written literature exams (after writing for ten hours), and I passed my oral literature examination with my professors. And it feels great to come out the other side of something that required so much of me… such a portion of me that I sincerely doubted whether I could do it.

In the midst of feeling depleted, exhausted, and empty from months of being shut away with my books, a turn of fate happened, and I say fate because I couldn’t have planned something so perfect as this. Months and months ago, I signed up to attend a yoga retreat for a week. The timing of it all happened serendipitously, as I left for Oahu five days after my last exam. Everything seemed to be falling into place. I would be able to go to Hawaii and actually turn it all off for seven days.


Our retreat was at the Ke Iki Beach Bungalows, which are situated right on the water.


Every morning, our little group met at 7:30 for a yoga workshop, where I was able to learn more about the philosophy behind the asana practice and some of the other components (or limbs) of yoga. For example, we had a workshop dedicated to pranayama (breathing) and another on how to hold the asanas (poses) with integrity while making them more or less challenging. In other words, the workshops gave me a chance to understand more fully the things I had known on a more surface level about yoga. In the afternoons, we met again for a vinyasa flow, which was like doing a naturally hot yoga because of the lingering heat from the day. 


Another aspect of the retreat focused on the spiritual component of yoga, which included meditation, Yin yoga, and receiving attunement for Reiki level one (which was the most inspiring of my experiences in Oahu). For example, one of the first evenings, we did a meditation at sunset that focused on the metaphor of the sun and earth coming together. Our leader explained the symbolism behind it all, which I’ll do my best to summarize below:

So the system of the seven chakras begins with the root chakra of Shakti, the god of feminine energy, and ends at the top with the crown chakra, represented by Shiva, the god of masculine energy. The goal of breathing in meditation is to bring breath in and down toward the root chakra and then to breathe breath out and up toward the crown chakra, thus symbolizing a merging of the two energies. The sunset also symbolizes a merging of the two energies, since ancient Polynesians saw the sun and the ocean as two powerful forces that affected the islands in every way. The ocean is often feminized, as in the French la mer, or the mother, and given its place on earth, represents the root chakra. Contrarily, the sun is often masculinized and thus represents the crown chakra of light and elevation. So at sunset, these two energies come back together.


During the meditation, our leader had us envision our breath as a liquid or fluid, which helped me to visualize the movement to/from the chakras. What came to me as I focused intently on the metaphors of the breath and the sunset was an understanding of the power that comes when masculine and feminine energies come together—life.


While I was in Oahu, I formed the habit of waking early (sunrise) to sit down by the waves to practice what I had learned, to center myself for the day, to take in everything around me. It was easy to feel inspired and make time for this morning ritual while on vacation, especially since the rooster’s crow was standing in as an alarm clock of sorts. Since I am not typically an early morning riser, waking at this hour allowed me to see things from a new perspective. It was quiet, still, dawning. And being part of earth’s morning ritual made me understand how valuable following her lead every morning could be, if I would only make the time.

I vowed to stay focused upon returning home, and though I haven’t been as disciplined as I would have liked, I am continuing to make the effort, knowing it will take time, and I am granting myself the grace I need to keep working at it. I also joined a yoga studio near my new place called Claremont Yoga in the village. There are no mirrors (one of my criteria for selecting a yoga home), and I feel in my heart that I found the right place in this new city.


Reflecting back to the beginning of my year, I see that I was afraid of what I saw coming. I see that I had to muster up the courage to do what I knew was right. During that time of simultaneous fear and courage, I trusted that at some point I would make my way out of the tunnel that was ahead of me. I saw the light shining at a distance. And though I was absolutely entrenched in darkness for what felt like an eternity, I feel myself standing now in the light, on that other side. And I don’t think it is at all coincidence that a week away in Oahu, guided by the leaders at Mosaic (a place that has often felt like a lifeline), gently brought me back to a place of peace, where I feel the power of love all around me, and where I can trust in the future that awaits me.

1 comment:

  1. Ah, how exciting! It sounds like you had a great vacation! I can't wait to hear all about it and to see your beautiful face soon!

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