My Best Reading from 2014

Most of you know that I love reading. What person pursues this much schooling studying literature and the written word if not out of love? Since this was a crazy year in terms of my reading load, studying for my qualifying exams and all, I decided to review the books I read this year to see which ones inspired me most. Surprisingly, only one of the books I selected was part of my exam preparation! All of the books listed below were either recommended by a friend or from one of my spiritual mentors or a professor. In short, here is a list of books I read in 2014 that changed my life in some profound way, and so I will advocate on their behalf in hopes that you will consider making them part of your reading for 2015. Enjoy!

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples 
by Harville Hendrix

This book is at the top because it had the greatest impact on my life. Having gone through a divorce this year, I became even more obsessed with trying to understand the key to making romantic relationships work…I don’t want to fail again and/or hurt another person in the process. So though I’ve read over the years many many many books on creating a healthy relationship and healing wounds from the past, this one is special because it links the two—our past determines how we select a partner in the present. My friend Jacque recommended it to me, and once I began reading, I was completely fascinated. The book begins by explaining how a person’s idea of love was formed from the first years of life, and this idea of love creates an imago (or image) of what love is and looks like based on the behaviors given by the early caretakers. Basically, a person goes through life looking for a partner who exhibits this same familiar love as based on the imago in hopes of healing old wounds. Sounds great at first, but because both partners tend to be unaware of this process, the cycle designed to heal actually becomes a cycle to sabotage the partnership, and instead of healing one another, the couple enters the “power struggle,” as Hendrix terms it. The book explains all of this through anecdotes and psychology and then provides a series of exercises for the partners to do together in order to help the relationship transcend the power struggle and move toward permanent healing for both, which of course leads to “getting the love you want,” as promised by the title.

A Brief History of Time 
by Stephen Hawking

A few weeks ago, I saw the film "The Theory of Everything," which was completely inspiring. In fact, a song that is very meaningful to me plays at the end, and hearing it in theatre was the perfect accompaniment to what was an already heightened emotional state due to the powerful message of this film, of this incredible man’s life. So first, go see it on the big screen. Then, pick up A Brief History of Time, Hawking’s book for the non-specialist, which would certainly be me! He discusses theories of the universe dating back to the Greeks and offers a great survey of quantum mechanics… again, suited for the non-specialist. My big takeaway is that physics supports the paradigm by which I live life: it is all one beautiful mystery.

The Anatomy of Spirit: The Seven Stages of Power and Healing 
by Caroline Myss

In this book, Dr. Myss explores the spirit in the same way a person studying the physical body would think about anatomy. Her findings were fascinating to me because I previously thought of the spirit as an intangible entity that was shrouded in mystery. However, by synthesizing beliefs from four major world religions, Myss uncovers the anatomy of spirit, which ultimately presents the seven stages a person goes through to reach spiritual maturity. As someone who finds value in all spiritual walks of life, I was absolutely delighted to learn about Myss’s discovery and how these congruous stages in the religions offer a more holistic truth about spirit.

Good Being, Good Living: The Modern Model for Sustained Holistic Health 
by Ryan Glidden

My nutrition and general well-being guru has just this year (as in a few months ago) published his life-changing book on holistic health. Glidden uses the acronym FARMERS to systematically go through all areas of life where being and living can be improved, can be made more healthy. The organization of this book makes it very user-friendly; he uses the AED Model (Awareness, Education, Discipline), to structure each chapter, and this helps readers implement their new knowledge into daily life. It is a practical and easy-to-do guide for changing your life… mind, body, and spirit.

Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships 
by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha

I have to give a warning with this one. If you are exceedingly happy believing in monogamy, then don’t read this book! I recommend it only for the open-minded and perhaps not-so-hard-and-fast monogamists out there. The authors tell their tale with an abundance of wit and humor, which makes it fun to join them in their exploration. I also got a kick out of their creative presentations of anthropology and their thorough study of the sexual habits of apes. Not only is this book wildly entertaining, it also offers an important insight to keep in mind about our animal selves. If nothing else, it helped me think much more scientifically about the sexual behaviors and urges of humans, which is a good thing for any reader… the more we understand, the more compassion, forgiveness, and humor we can have about all things concerning sex. And I think that’s a good thing!

The Puritan Origins of the American Self 
by Sacvan Bercovitch

This book appeared on the required reading for my qualifying examination in nineteenth-century US literature, and it stood out from the others because it presents one of the most obvious yet shocking lenses through which to study our nation’s history. I had no idea how deeply and profoundly Puritan ideology infused itself into the identity-shaping of the Americas, specifically what is now the United States. Understanding where we began and where we have been as a nation provides much perspective on where we are now and where we might be heading. It also helps explain why and how we are still so puritanical in some of our more traditionally held beliefs. Again, gaining a true understanding is the place to begin, and compassion stems from there.

Citizen: An American Lyric 
by Claudia Rankine

When the journal I work for, Foothill: a journal of poetry, was preparing questions to interview Claudia Rankine for our latest issue, I decided to add to my collection of her works her most recent publication of prose poems, Citizen: An American Lyric, which focuses on racism in the US by discussing media, sports, academia, and the poet’s personal experiences. Since I have read this year more than I have ever read in years past, that this book stands out from the others is kind of a big deal. And it stands out because it haunts me still. It helped me see some truths, unpleasant truths, about humanity, but more specifically, about people living in the United States. At a time when and in a place where injustice after injustice after injustice occurs, this book’s depictions of racism hit the core of the problem plaguing our nation. The poet’s masterful prose left me in a state of disbelief, where I was simultaneously riveted and horrified at the thought of reading on. It is powerful, to say the very least; a book you don’t easily shake off.

In Search of Lost Time 
by Marcel Proust

This approximately 3300-page novel is a feat for even the most literary loving among us! I read this behemoth of a book for a sixteen-week course I audited in the spring, and it makes my list here for two reasons. The first is obvious: to finish it at all is a huge accomplishment, one a large percentage of the population will never have the satisfaction of completing or even attempting. The second is simple: its themes are universally relevant, dealing with desire, unrequited love, the meaning of life, our obsession with the past, the futile task of trying to regain lost time, and what it means to reflect on one’s life. If the thought of reading 3300 pages is too daunting, then I would say to just pick up the first part of the novel, Swann’s Way.

Two Cities, Four Friends, Incredible Wine

I have come to believe that upon leaving for any vacation, you feel like you couldn’t have possibly waited another second to leave. It’s as if our minds only allow our bodies to go so far without having a destination into which we can escape from the daily grind, and once that departure time arrives, we’re ready for the break. This was true for my trip to Sonoma this past weekend.

I had finished reading through my students’ essays on Modernism while on the plane, which meant that the moment I stepped foot onto Oakland soil (concrete, actually), I was able to take that really deep breath I had been holding for about a week (grading gets downright oppressive this time of the semester).

The perk of flying with one airline ritualistically is that you stack up points almost without realizing it. My last trip to New Orleans for the Nelson-Bainer wedding put me well over the threshold of receiving a free flight. And since May, when the Rivers duo moved to NorCal, I have been craving a visit with them.

Dan and Rowan picked me up from the airport and promptly took me to lunch at Crepevine, a lovely little cafe in a lovely section in Oakland. I had a salmon kale salad with some hot tea (because the day was a bit chilly), Rowan had a savory crepe, and Dan had a PoBoy sandwich. All of our meals were delicious, affordable, and made with responsibly raised and purchased food. 

Across the street from Crepevine is Pegasus Books—a used bookstore where I was amazed to find a collection of Elizabeth Bishop’s paintings… that’s right… paintings. Who knew she did it all? Dan and I also each bought a volume of The Graphic Canon, which means it was a beyond-successful trip to the bookstore.

I have been to see Dan and Rowan once before, and that was for their wedding back in June, when they had only been in their new place for about a month. On the way to their apartment, Dan drove us by the lake, and since it was dusk, I was lucky enough to pass by the waterscape just as the sun was peaking through the clouds:

Once at their apartment, I noticed immediately how much more settled in they were than my last visit. Each little section of their home reflected Rowan’s artistic hands at work, and a work that seeks diligently to reflect who they are as individuals and as a couple. Have I mentioned yet that Rowan is a master at décor, as evidenced by their charming breakfast nook:

We spent the evening catching up, indulging in a cheese board, drinking wine, and awaiting the arrival of Jacque, another of our friends from graduate school who had just moved up to NorCal. Though we went to bed early in preparation for the big day of wine tasting, we ended up sleeping in a bit, enjoying the sound of rain outside the windows. 

On our way out of town, we stopped for some caffeine at Blue Bottle Coffee, which I highly recommend for anyone who enjoys seeing coffee and tea made in a way that is off the beaten path but also with extreme amounts of creativity. Hot beverages in hand, we were off for the forty-minute drive northwest into Sonoma County, home of the Pinot Noir. 

After visiting at a few wineries, we stopped in the town of Sonoma for lunch at Sunflower Caffe, which had yummy eats, a garden area with a fountain on the back patio as a place to sit, and a great selection of local wines. Downtown Sonoma is a gem in terms of small-town shops and restaurants. We walked around a bit, enjoying the quaintness of the place, then headed toward the Russian River to try out a few more wineries. My favorite of the day was Bacigaluci Vineyard; the wine there is our favorite from the trip, the vineyard is family-run (so we had access to insider info about the wines), and the production is small (meaning the wine we tasted was not mass-produced and thus special, worth savoring).

Travelling to small, boutique wineries and/or vineyards is the best way to do wine tasting because you feel the love these winemakers put into their product. Typically in such places, the vineyard has been in the family for generations, so you see the legacy fueling their efforts. And, the people filling your glass in the tasting room are often a huge part of the growing and harvesting and barreling and bottling, which means they put their own labor and love into the making of the very thing you taste. I have an artistic piece on my wall that says, “Wine is Bottled Poetry,” and though this phrase always rings true for me, it does so especially when at a winery. There is something incredibly poetic about a family working the land, cultivating a fruit, pulling a harvest, and then manufacturing a product. So much love, so much work. Then add in the amount of respect for mother earth they must have to make it all come together… it’s nothing short of inspiring. And so when I taste wine, and even when I drink wine, I try to always acknowledge that love and labor, to be grateful for it, to know I am imbibing that love, taking it as part of me. It’s a serious thing, drinking wine.

Later that evening, we dined at Flavor Bistro in Santa Rosa. The great thing about travelling around NorCal with a local is that you get to try all of the tried-and-true restaurants in the area. At Flavor, our meals were appetizing, the wine was local, and the service was excellent.

The next day, we enjoyed our breakfast at Hank’s Creekside Restaurant (a place Dan used to patron often while working on his master’s thesis at Sonoma State University). Our table was one with a view of the creek, which was full from the recent rain. After breakfast, we drove out to the coast to see Bodega Bay, which has a great little area to purchase locally caught seafood and enjoy a hot clam chowder. Here is the view of the bay:

During our drive back to Oakland, we stopped in Petaluma, which, like Sonoma, has a charming little town with several unique shops and restaurants. We stopped for a hot chocolate at the Petaluma Pie Company… I only wish I wouldn’t have been too full to get a pie! Everything in this shop looked appetizing.

I left Oakland feeling relaxed and incredibly grateful for the time I was able to share with my friends, incredibly grateful for the food and wine that nourished my body, and incredibly grateful that there are so many places in this world worth visiting and learning about… the world is so big, with so many towns and cities that I wonder how I will ever see it all!

Thrift-Store Gem

Found these brand new, Kate Spade, patent leather flats at My Sister's Closet in Encinitas, marked down to $30 from $60. Perfect for work... and for reading in fabulous footwear.

Thrift-Store Gem

Betsey Johnson knee-length satin Dress, 80% off original price, found in Newport Beach thrift store. Like-new condition, minus a little mending in the top (wire sticking out).

So this one is several years old in my closet. I am posting a pic now because I forgot to sooner and because inspiration struck last night to wear it to the theater, but since I didn't get any photos, I'll resort back to Lauren's wedding here:

Hawaii, Yoga, and The Other Side

Vacations are meant to restore, rejuvenate, and reinvigorate. And perhaps I’ve never needed a vacation more than I did this one. A few weeks ago, I ventured forth to the north shore of Oahu to attend a yoga retreat hosted by my yoga studio in San Diego, Mosaic, which I have mentioned on countless occasions in these writings.

I needed this vacation more than ever because 2014 has so far been one hell of a year for me. A marriage ending after one year or perhaps ten years of turmoil, a relocating of home, a season of studying for major exams, a goodbye to one of my pups, another relocating of home, and a new job. Through these obstacles, I’ve really tried to stay centered, to stay focused on the processing of it all. I’ve tried to face it honestly, bravely, and many times I’ve failed. But now that all the chaos seems to be settled down, that most of the trials are behind me, I sense a new beginning after all the hard work and stress and even pain of it all. I remember in April packing up the boxes for the first move and imagining what it would be like the day I unpacked them again. In my mind, I marked that day as the goal—that if I could just get to that point, most of the struggle would be over. And though that day came sooner than I expected (a month and a half ago), I felt ready for it.

Though the ending of a marriage is never easy, I realize it could have been much harder, much more complicated. I am grateful that it wasn't. Though moving is physically and emotionally challenging, I am grateful to finally be settled in my new home, with my sister, near my school, near a city I love. And though I miss Delilah very much, I take comfort knowing that she is happy in her home, and I am thankful that I have Samson and can now devote my love and attention solely to him. Though my major exams nearly broke me, I passed my German exam, I passed my written literature exams (after writing for ten hours), and I passed my oral literature examination with my professors. And it feels great to come out the other side of something that required so much of me… such a portion of me that I sincerely doubted whether I could do it.

In the midst of feeling depleted, exhausted, and empty from months of being shut away with my books, a turn of fate happened, and I say fate because I couldn’t have planned something so perfect as this. Months and months ago, I signed up to attend a yoga retreat for a week. The timing of it all happened serendipitously, as I left for Oahu five days after my last exam. Everything seemed to be falling into place. I would be able to go to Hawaii and actually turn it all off for seven days.

Our retreat was at the Ke Iki Beach Bungalows, which are situated right on the water.

Every morning, our little group met at 7:30 for a yoga workshop, where I was able to learn more about the philosophy behind the asana practice and some of the other components (or limbs) of yoga. For example, we had a workshop dedicated to pranayama (breathing) and another on how to hold the asanas (poses) with integrity while making them more or less challenging. In other words, the workshops gave me a chance to understand more fully the things I had known on a more surface level about yoga. In the afternoons, we met again for a vinyasa flow, which was like doing a naturally hot yoga because of the lingering heat from the day. 

Another aspect of the retreat focused on the spiritual component of yoga, which included meditation, Yin yoga, and receiving attunement for Reiki level one (which was the most inspiring of my experiences in Oahu). For example, one of the first evenings, we did a meditation at sunset that focused on the metaphor of the sun and earth coming together. Our leader explained the symbolism behind it all, which I’ll do my best to summarize below:

So the system of the seven chakras begins with the root chakra of Shakti, the god of feminine energy, and ends at the top with the crown chakra, represented by Shiva, the god of masculine energy. The goal of breathing in meditation is to bring breath in and down toward the root chakra and then to breathe breath out and up toward the crown chakra, thus symbolizing a merging of the two energies. The sunset also symbolizes a merging of the two energies, since ancient Polynesians saw the sun and the ocean as two powerful forces that affected the islands in every way. The ocean is often feminized, as in the French la mer, or the mother, and given its place on earth, represents the root chakra. Contrarily, the sun is often masculinized and thus represents the crown chakra of light and elevation. So at sunset, these two energies come back together.

During the meditation, our leader had us envision our breath as a liquid or fluid, which helped me to visualize the movement to/from the chakras. What came to me as I focused intently on the metaphors of the breath and the sunset was an understanding of the power that comes when masculine and feminine energies come together—life.

While I was in Oahu, I formed the habit of waking early (sunrise) to sit down by the waves to practice what I had learned, to center myself for the day, to take in everything around me. It was easy to feel inspired and make time for this morning ritual while on vacation, especially since the rooster’s crow was standing in as an alarm clock of sorts. Since I am not typically an early morning riser, waking at this hour allowed me to see things from a new perspective. It was quiet, still, dawning. And being part of earth’s morning ritual made me understand how valuable following her lead every morning could be, if I would only make the time.

I vowed to stay focused upon returning home, and though I haven’t been as disciplined as I would have liked, I am continuing to make the effort, knowing it will take time, and I am granting myself the grace I need to keep working at it. I also joined a yoga studio near my new place called Claremont Yoga in the village. There are no mirrors (one of my criteria for selecting a yoga home), and I feel in my heart that I found the right place in this new city.

Reflecting back to the beginning of my year, I see that I was afraid of what I saw coming. I see that I had to muster up the courage to do what I knew was right. During that time of simultaneous fear and courage, I trusted that at some point I would make my way out of the tunnel that was ahead of me. I saw the light shining at a distance. And though I was absolutely entrenched in darkness for what felt like an eternity, I feel myself standing now in the light, on that other side. And I don’t think it is at all coincidence that a week away in Oahu, guided by the leaders at Mosaic (a place that has often felt like a lifeline), gently brought me back to a place of peace, where I feel the power of love all around me, and where I can trust in the future that awaits me.